I'm asking my self for a forgiveness

I thought he won't break me the way he used to. I thought it was a mess from my past which I already forgot it all.

Then the idea came up when I saw he's available on WhatsApp which surely a disaster for me. I thought I will be nice.

But then, it still blow up. Im sorry the mess still there. I cant handle it.

My imaginary shows me the fact that he might be more jerk than I thought. And suddenly those fears of being betrayed by someone I love just came... I don't hate him either I don't love him anymore. But forgive me, dear myself. I thought the moment he said "we can be a good friends" was real; yes its not real.

A relationship is when two people give a try, its what I believe now. No more too fighting for a thing. Forgive me. Forgive me to breaking my own heart. I just.. want to destroy everything which is related to him, us, our past.

I'm sorry but I cant be what we've promised before because you... you never try, even once.

I'm done on trying so hard alone.

And I'm totally done on trying be a good friend for you.